Berry and Burn: High Class Undertakers

by

Malcomb Young (Wirral)

We're Berry and Burn: we supply to the trade,

Wooden caskets for bodies, or headstones - high grade.

With flashing cold chisels we'll sculpt monumental,

I letters of Gothic, or fine ornamental.

Our mock Grecian urns are the best, there's no quarrel

And dignified wreaths are fresh made with green laurel

Our craftsmen superb will create a fine coffin

In well-seasoned timber for peasant or boffin

Our off-season prices are such you can treasure

Wile all advance bookings are taken with pleasure

Be it granite or marble, our stone has impressed,

And makes sure your grandma stays strictly at rest.

We're Berry and Burn, we're morticians high class

Whose cremations are fueled by natural gas

We can drop you at sea, or inter, or cremate

And we've rooms set aside for a lying in state

All our graves are deep to a generous dimension

To ensure that your loved ones don't get hypertension

In our tasteful and dignified chapel of rest

Jim Reeves tapes are played as a special request

Our fluids embalm, leave no trace of an odour

Yet for those faint of heart we serve whisky and soda

For looking at granddad now wearing his teeth

Can be awful tis true, though for some a relief

We're Berry and Burn, we lay out with white candles

Our mahogany coffins have filigree handles

Our plots in the churchyard retain the best views

Beside the old lychgate, and next to the yews

And as yet not a client's expressed malefaction

For none has come back to disclaim satisfaction

So book to Burn, take a plot from old Berry

You never know when you'll have need in a hurry

Why don't you reserve a small stone and make certain

We can carve your last words now, before final curtain

For mostly our clients felt no need to worry

Yet were called, just like that, to the Styx and its ferry

We're Berry and Burn, we supply to the trade

Undertaking to leave you most carefully laid.

We arrange hymns and organ, we'll fix up the vicar

Or the Crem, where the service has never been quicker

And when the ham tea is all eaten and through,

Our bill will arrive like a bolt from the blue